This may be a passive aggressive rant fueled my by frustration with myself for my lack of assertiveness and accepting the bare minimum from anyone instead of telling the truth because I’m more concerned with how people feel than maintaining my own peace of mind. My goal for 2020 is to give less fucks and be totally honest regardless of who it bothers. I’m holding way too much unnecessary weight, so this new segment will be under the “on my soapbox” tab of the blog. Welcome.
I take pride in being a reliable person. I will go above and beyond for anyone and not expect anything in return because I know for a fact that the energy I give out, I won’t get back. I’ve accepted it. I’m sure you’re not a stranger to disappointment, so I’m sure you’ll understand me when I say I’ve gotten to the point where I set no expectations for anyone to do anything that way when they let me down, it doesn’t hurt as much. 100% sure that’s a toxic trait by some standard but it’s how I protect myself.
What I can’t understand is why people think it’s okay to promise roses and they instead they give an empty vase? I think integrity died with chivalry and romance, but I’ll save that rant for another soapbox segment. I’m sure it’s just that I’m surrounded by users and I need to change my environment and it’s got me thinking, are these people actually letting me down or am I holding them to an impossibly high and unrealistic standard that they can’t meet?
Now this is just a general analysis of my life long shenanigans so I don’t want any mile long texts about who I offend by expressing myself. I use this blog as a safe place to vent and inspire others. So don’t think that I’m fussing at someone in particular, I suck at setting boundaries and I’m so tired of ALWAYS putting out more than I get back. I’m sure all 3 of you who read this can totally relate.
I’ve been thinking of how to make 2020 my best year and I’ve decided that it’s by being selfish AF. And I don’t mean that by being rude and inconsiderate, I mean that I’m putting myself , my needs, and my well-being first before I go all Olivia Pope/ Iyanla Vanzant and try to fix and save everyone and everything but my sanity. I mean that’s Self-Care 101 to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
“Aren’t you a mom,?” DUH. But I can’t possibly be a great mom if I’m angry and burnt out 99% of the time, so by putting myself first I’m taking strides to make me a better mom, partner, writer, etc. I honestly just want to be better for myself and once I’ve made acceptable progress everything else will fall into place. Of course it’s all easier said than done, but it’s a start.
I’m sure this isn’t the aesthetically pleasing holiday post you were looking for but that’s not really my thing, and I’ve come to terms with that too. This is better than a holiday photo of gifts, this is a gentle reminder, especially for those of you who spend hundreds on gifts for people you see once a year, to take care of yourself. Take the unrealistic pressure of people not liking you for not going above and beyond for them when you don’t get the same energy back.
I’m also taking a much needed break from social media until sometime in the new year because all I do is scroll through and compare my life to others and then get sad about it. I’ll be scheduling posts automatically but I won’t really be online until February. I’ll see you all in 2020!
Happy Whatever you Celebrate!